oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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