i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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