he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
