Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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