Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
