It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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