So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
