Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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