I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
