yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
