WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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