awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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