I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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