Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
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