I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
