How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
