I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
