i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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