Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
