Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
