I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
