I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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