Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
