Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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