I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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