I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
