Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
