just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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