I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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