he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
