Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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