New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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