Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
