you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
