I hate all girls vehemently.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
