i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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