My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
