I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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