It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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