it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I am available for nakedness
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