Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
