if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
