So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
