Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's shark week go big or go home
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
