who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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