I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
only you would photoshop your dick
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
