2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
