We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
