I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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