yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
